“It’s not what you don’t know that kills you,
it’s what you know for sure that ain’t true.”
— Mark Twain
This is going to make me look like an idiot but, for what it’s worth, here is my list* of things I once knew for sure … that ain’t exactly true. I don’t mean they are false through and through, but they steered me in the wrong direction.
Is there a common thread? Yes. Count how many times I use the pronouns I, my and me. In one way or another, directly or indirectly, everything I’ve listed puts the burden on me to build and maintain a relationship with God. This seems impossibly self-reliant and backward to me now. The truth is that it was not, is not, and will never be about me, or because of me. I am merely a consumer of grace, not a producer.
- After accepting that first big round of forgiveness for my past sins, all I need to do now is ask forgiveness for each new sin as I commit it.
- “Amen,” at the end of a prayer, is like hanging up the phone; it means, “Goodbye for now.”
- God hides from me.
- God is very busy running the universe.
- God is a serious, controlled and humorless character, with no excesses of passion, who is never amused by my vanity and foibles.
- God loves me, but only because that’s a requirement of being God.
- God needs my help.
- God sets the bar very high and expects more results than I can deliver.
- God won’t dump more on me than I can bear.
- I am living inside one of God’s backup plans due to bad choices I made in the past.
- I become more and more holy by doing “spiritual” things.
- I can somehow “fall out” of the kingdom.
- I need to control my sinful nature through willpower and self mastery.
- I need to put my best foot forward in prayer.
- I should decide what to do for God, then ask God to bless my efforts.
- I should feel guilty when I could have done something good, but didn’t.
- If I tell God the straight-out honest truth about X, he may take offense.
- In prayer, I should be on my best behavior, being careful what I say and how I say it.
- In the divine dance, God wants me to take the lead.
- It is normal for me to have a desire to do things for God coupled with a constant inability to carry them out.
- It is normal for me to have an on-again off-again relationship with God.
- It would be wonderful if I could reboot my Christian life and start over from square one.
- My bad behavior comes as a shock or suprise to God.
- My inconsistent behavior frustrates God, or frustrates God’s plan.
- My life would be a lot better if I could just “get it right”.
- Obeying strict moral rules is a sure way to attract God’s favor.
- Prayer is putting my agenda on God’s table.
- Resisting sin will make me holy … eventually.
- Salvation does very little for me now, compared to what it will do for me when I die and go to heaven.
- Salvation is my giving my life to Jesus.
- Sometimes God is close to me and sometimes God is distant.
- Take away God’s super powers and there wouldn’t be much left in terms of personality.
- The Christian life I am called to live is difficult and demanding.
- The kingdom won’t come unless I do my part.
- There is a proper way to pray. I should follow the standard protocol.
- To keep God “on my side,” I must keep on doing certain key things (going to church, reading the bible, praying …).
- When I sin, I should be ashamed of myself.
At least one of these needs a little explanation: “Salvation is my giving my life to Jesus.” The truth is exactly the opposite: Salvation is Jesus giving his life to me.
I’m coming back to the heart of worship
And it’s all about You,
It’s all about You, Jesus.
I’m sorry, lord, for the thing I’ve made it
When it’s all about You,
It’s all about You, Jesus.
— Matt Redman
* Lorilynn Barth and Steve McVey made lists similar to the list shown above; I have adapted some of their items.
Specularity 